THE END OF FREEDOM

THE STUFF

by Cory Carr

You may remember a while back when I wrote that scathing expose on McDonald's McRib sandwich titled; "The McRib & 80's Goo Movies", at least you should. Well, it’s that time of year again, The McRib returns! McDonalds has again unfurled it dastardly plot to take full advantage of the brain dead American consumer. Cloaked in darkness and secrecy, McDonalds would like nothing more than to have their McRib found in every home, eaten by every man, woman and child in this great country, resulting in total intestinal evacuation. No one will leave their bathroom. Soon toilets would fill to the top, causing people to flush, and flush, and flush again, taxing water reserves. Toilets would overflow and McRib would grow and move under it’s own power, seeking to devour unsuspecting vegetarians.


Such wonder, and such regret!
Sounds kinda’ cool huh? But there is something even worse on McDonalds's agenda, and that is to steal the plot from the 1985 Larry Cohen flick, The Stuff!

THE RITE

by Cory Carr

An interesting thing happened the other day at work [I'm an electrician for those who don't know me personally]. The woman who's house I was working at kept offering me food thought the day. First it was sweet tea, then greek burgers [which don't get offered very often lemme tell you. lol], both of which I politely declined. I was working alone that day and was just trying to get the job done so that I could go home. The next offering was cake, and when I said, "No thank you", she replied, "Well what do you like?". I didn't know what to say and from the expression on my face she could tell. It was at this point that she took a quick look around the room and then back at me, "Do you like movies?". With that question, I was done. I had been defeated. I told her that I love movies and I go to horror film festivals and that I make a attempt to review them online. She left the room only to return with a stack of DVD-Rs. Among things like Season Of The Witch and Rango [which is awesome b.t.w.] was The Rite. Here are my thoughts on the demonic thriller given to me by an infinity generous woman.

GEORGE ROMERO'S BRUISER

by Cory Carr

In 2000, revered film maker George Romero both wrote and directed the film Bruiser. A film that I had absolutely NO idea existed until a decade later. A film that asks the hard hitting question, “Are you fuckin’ with me!?”. No seriously, that question was asked like, fourteen times thought the duration of the film. No, no, I didn’t count. Just call it an educated guess-stilation. To be honest fourteen was the number of times that I could remember throwing my hands in the air and rolling my eyes at that very line. But don’t let that be any indication of this films merit.

Bruiser was the first Romero work since the 1993 adaptation of Stephen King’s The Dark Half. A commercial flop, The Dark Half remains a cult classis and favorite to Romero and King fans alike, however it only earned back two thirds of it's budget at the box office. It’s no wonder it took Romero so long to find his way back into the director’s chair.